This was my first major work that I wrote. Every day after school I would write another chapter and revise the previous. My mom brought me into work early one morning to print out copies so I could sell them for $5 each. I was very proud of what I made at the time, though I realize it’s rather rubbish now. The only reason I’ve uploaded it is because I’m in the process of re-writing the story, as I’m now out of college and have an interest in writing again.
Chapter 1 the story begins.
This is a story about me, (Peter) my mom, (Angla) my dad. (Ben) and my annoying younger brother (Bob) and how we fell in the monkey pit. But before all that happened everything was great just like a never ending dream! Jan 7, 2010
“Waffles!” mom said “Come and get them before they go stale!”
She always said what breakfast was in a sales way because she was a sales lady. In fact,
She was so used to it she would say all the features of all the waffles!
“Waffles make hungry go away and they contain wheat that is good for you.”
She would just keep going on and on until you came and ate them, so I was always the first one at the table.
Then came dad and then came my annoying brother, life was never a dream when he was around. Once we were all seated at the table the all so interesting conversation began. Dad always went first.
“So boys what do you want to do today?” dad said.
My brother shouted out “I want to go to stuffed town” before I could even get a breath of air.
“I love the idea of going to stuffed town.” I said.
“Really!?!” My brother said.
“NO.” I said.
Then guess what my brother does to try to go to stuffed town…. He starts crying.
Five minutes later
“SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Finally my brother shut up so I could say my idea.
“Can we go to ZooGilla?” I asked.
“Where is that????” my dad said.
“In Georgia, Blairsville” I exclaimed.
“Is that a zoo?” my mom asked.
“I think it is.” I said.
“Can we go at four p.m.?” I asked.
“Your father and I will have to check our schedule”, my mom said.
Alter four long minutes that seemed hours long. Mom and dad came back out and said “yes we can go at four p.m.”
“Yea!!!!!!!!!” I said.
But then I Started to take that back, ZooGilla was three hours away from home and by the time we would get there it would be seven. That sucked, although not at bad as my brother. And I DID NOT want to come back and drive there again and drive back. Plus it would be a waste of money saying that I would be the one driving. Next thing I knew it was four o clock. We had about 140 clocks because mom and dad always wanted to know what time it was and they all said the same time: 4:00.
I walked up to my car finding my brother sleeping in it. He must have been there
About three hours because he thought that my convertible was more comfy than his bed.
My parents were also in the car. It’s really bad when you’re the last one in your car
Because it’s yours!
“Are we there yet?” My brother said in a tired voice. I was starting to wish that he was back asleep.
One minute later.
“Are we there yet?” My brother said. I knew the moment he said this that he would keep on going on and on and on and on and on.
Five minutes later.
“Are we there yet?” he said.
“No” I said
Ten minutes later.
“Are we there yet?” he said.
“No” I said.
Twenty minutes later
“Are we there yet? He said.
“Do we look like that we are at Georgia Blairsville?!?!?!?!?” I said.
“Stuffed town isn’t at griga blasvill.” My brother said.
“We are not going to stuffed town” I said. “We are going to ZooGilla and that’s final.”
Instantly my brothers eyes filled up with tears of sadness and of afraidness.
Finally we got there, but wouldn’t you know it, they were closed. It was so dark that you couldn’t see the neon painted sign or the sign that said when they would open.
So we went to a hotel for the night. The air in the hotel smelled like hot dogs but my brother loved the smell. The next morning we barfed on all the hotel food because it looked so gross and went to a restaurant to eat. Too bad my brother ordered every drink on the menu, it raised our bill to $200.99.
Chapter 2 things don’t go as planned.
January 8, 2010. The first thing I noticed when we got to ZooGilla was the sign. It said “welcome to ZOOGILLA the zoo where you’re caged in and the animals are free.”
“I wonder what that means?” I said as we walked up to the entry toll. “Twenty bucks per person! You better have a !@<* good time if I am going to pay twenty to get in here!!”
“How dare you say that Peter to your young brother. Apologize!”” my mom said.
“I’m sorry“, I said rolling my eyes.
I paid for the tickets to get in. It cost me $80.00 to get in here – bad deal at deal or no deal.
We went inside the rectangular tube to look at the monkeys. Then we spotted the big map.
“What do you want to do, Bob?” Dad asked.
“I wanna go on the animal kiddy train!” my brother said.
“What do you want to do Peter?” Dad asked.
“I want to go to the little brother free zone.” I said
Right then mom gave me an ugly look meaning to stop treating my brother badly. I knew if I didn’t follow mom’s instructions, I would have to eat a bar of soap, the whole bar of soap.
I had to think of something fast “I mean, the ugh, the monkey free zone.” I said. “Okay, let’s go to the animal kiddy train,” my mom said
Next thing I know were on the dumbest looking train I have ever been on. The moment I got on I wanted to get off at the next kiddy train stop. Then I remembered that there was only one train stop, and that one was five seconds away. The train driver gave us a little speech. “Hello! Fnvfjhfvdivjcuvfdsfjvnfjdvchdvhvfhdhvfvdhden and have a good day,” the train driver said. He must of talked about at the speed of light because I could hardly understand a word he said.
We got off the train. I knew exactly what I wanted to do, for real this time…..I wanted to go the monkey museum and see the interactive exhibits. So I asked if we could go.
Mom and dad said ‘yes’ and we were on our Way.
“Oo ah ee,” I said as I pressed all of the museum’s button exhibits.
Once we were done looking and touching everything my brother had his mind set on one thing. Looking at the monkeys.
For some reason my heart was pumping five times faster than usual and I felt afraid, very afraid.
The monkeys were pretty stupid saying that they kept swinging on vines and crashing into the glass. My heart rate slowed down to two times faster than normal. But I still felt something bad was going to happen. EVIL. EVIL.
Chapter 3 life or no life the game show.
I knew there was evil right where I stood.
Then I heard the last thing I wanted to hear.
“skreechhhhhhh…. Snap” I was in mid air hanging on for dear life this was too much happening at once! ”I do not want to die, I’m only 20 I am too young to die!!!!!!!!!!!!” I yelled.
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I was screaming so loud that the Chinese could probably hear me. All of my memories and all life was now about to crash and die!!!
Aaaaaaaalhlhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhlhbhhhhhhhhhblhhhlhhbhbhhhhhbhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THUD.
All I knew was my head hurt like people were dropping 100 golf balls on me all at once. I opened one eye to see that I was alive and saw an unusual sight. “Super man?” I said in a weak voice. Super man faster than a speeding bullet kept playing in my mind. Then I looked again to see that my brother was flying through the air. He must of broken through the glass while mom and dad and I hit our heads on it.
THUD.
My brother finally made impact with the ground with his feet first. He was knocked out and maybe dead. He only had a hair line of a chance to survive. I rushed over to him to see if he was alive I started doing CPR to try to revive him. He didn’t move a mili inch. He remained still, no part of his body moved. My mom and dad got up hardly hurting. I told mom and dad what happened they looked at Bob then said that he was………. DEAD.
“No no no no no!!! He was too young to die. Why did this happen, why!!!!!! Why!!! It was my stupid idea to come here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!! !!!!”
Right as I turned my head I saw a flock of monkeys attacking my face.
“Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhlhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” I yelled.
My head hit the ground hard as I was swatting the monkeys off my face.
“Get off you stupid” monkeys!!!”I said as I kept trying to get them off my face but they wouldn’t let go
It was like they needed my face more then I did, but I knew that I needed my face (and
Space) more than they did. Finally I got all of the monkeys off of my face.
“Son! Son! Don’t leave me too!” mom said crying hard.
“Yes.” I said in a muttering voice.
My mom looked left and right looking around.
“What was that!?!” mom said snuffling.
“Oh no!! Not more monkeys!!” I said still muttering.
No, it’s not monkeys,” my mom said.
“Then what is it?” I said trying to get up.
“Why its it’s an emergency escape car!” Mom said being shocked.
“I must be dreaming!!” I said.
“No son, you’re not dreaming.” My dad said.
“I walked up to the car and read the old wooden sign “Emergency escape car. All ready and fueled up to go,” the sign said.
“Well then lets go!” I said.
“Son, we are not going to leave your brothers’ body here for the monkeys to eat,” my dad said.
“Right,” I said. I did not want to admit that I cared much that my brother was dead, but I did care. I started cranking up the car after I put my brother in the back.
“You’re not drivin’,” dad said.
“Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssss sir” I said as I hopped in the back with my dead brother. I must of fallen asleep because I was watching my brother in the car and
Then………. He opened his eyes and they were 95% red, pure blood red. I started screaming like a little girl. Then I woke up, looked at my brother, and his eyes weren’t open.
Then my dad’s phone rang. He had the funniest ring tone ever. You have a call oh
Ben you have a call. You have a call oh Ben you have a call. You have a call oh Ben you
Have a call. “I’ll let it go to voice mail,” dad said.
TEN MINUTES LATER.
“Houston, we have a problem” dad said.
“WHAT! WHAT! WHAT!” I said.
“The pipe ends here and we are not at the entrance,” dad said, “we are probably here dad said.”
(Originally there was an image I drew up in MS Paint of the park with a big red “you are here” dot)
“That not good.” I said in a weird sounding voice.
“Okay let’s turn this thing around!” I said.
FIVE MINUTES LATER.
“Pah!” the car said.
“I think the car is saying it’s out of gas. That’s very bad” I said.
Chapter 4 lost.
“What are we supposed to do now that the car has no gas????” I said.
“Look for gas.” Dad said.
None in the trunk, I said. “None under the seats. And none in the front. Great no Gas to be found,” Who wants to do exercising???!” I said. And I guess I have to carry my brother.”
“You got that right… This way.” Dad said as he looked at the map pointing forward, although every way was forward… What a problem.
I started going the way dad pointed but then it started getting dark – very dark.
Where are we going to sleep l started wondering. Probably on the dirt. One half of my Head said Ugh, I hate sleeping on dirt.” The other side of my head said, Well it could be worse.”
“I am ready to go to sleep.” My mom said.
“Mud is going to be my bed.” I said. Before I knew it I was asleep, so asleep mom and dad probably thought I was dead.
Jan 9 2010
The next morning I woke up with a monkey on my face. He must have been a substitute for an alarm clock. Then the monkey ran off into the forest. Then I woke up mom and dad.
“Coffee…” mom said. Then she got up “ohhhhhhhhhhh that was not a bad dream.”
Soon we were on our way, then I nearly fainted while looking at thorn bush forest.
It had over 200,000,000 thorn bushes and I am not exaggerating!!
“Ow owwwwwwww!!!!!!! Ow ow Ow OW OW OW OWWWWWwWW!!!! OW OW oh ow oW. Ouch!” I said. I had a lot of Scratches.
Finally it was all over and my brother weighed a ton now.
“Five miles left,’” my dad said.
My terror was almost over we were almost out!!!!! HURRAY!!!!!
“Party like it’s your birthday” I said.
One hour later.
“Almost there” my dad said.
“Uh oh” I said.
“What’s wrong?!?” my mom said.
“WARNING: SPIKY FENCE AHEAD!!!” I said. Then I started climbing the Fence but then my brother fell off my back. Then I hopped over the spiky wire. “Offfff” I Said as I hit the ground. “Fling my brother over!!!” I said. I caught my brother. Then
Mom and dad slowly climbed over the fence.
“FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I Yelled.
The lady at the ticket booth must of seen us and called 911, the local TV, the newspaper etc, etc. Soon TV reporters, cops and an ambulance and the fire department all came. A little later we found out that there were three faulty bolts on the six bolt pillar and as the monkeys hit it, it made the structure weaker. We were all over magazines. newspapers, and TV about our journey into the monkey pit. But wait, my story is not over yet.
Chapter 5 the funeral.
We finally made it home from our journey but we still had one more thing to do: bury my brother. After about a dozen phone calls we had the funeral planned. We would bury my brother today at 4:00. 4:00 must have been a classic time in my family because everything was at 4:00, Aunt Julie would come with my younger cousin. Amy and Uncle Bill were going to come too. Then the daunting time came. Ding dong ding dong, ding
Jang ding dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong.
One of our clocks said. It was time. Once everyone was in the back yard it started raining. The perfect funeral weather. Everyone had tears in there eyes after we got my brother buried.
“Let’s have ice cream!!” Amy shouted.
What?!?!?!?! Ran through my mind as we went in to go get some ice cream.
We ate it and then everyone left. All things here on earth have an end and this is my book’s end.
THE END.